


The Aftermath

by Silent102



Series: Realistic Post Coma [2]
Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29944557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silent102/pseuds/Silent102
Summary: The aftermath of Sterling Archer's suicide
Series: Realistic Post Coma [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2187663
Kudos: 2





	The Aftermath

Lana Kane does not see Archer for the next couple of days. She thinks nothing of it, as he often goes on binges. She calls him for the first time after five days of him missing. After a couple of rings, it gets picked up. Lana is not surprised to hear someone who was clearly not Archer, as he often paid people to act for his voicemails. 

“Hello?” The deep gravelly voice came through the speakers asked. “Who is this?” She doesn’t respond, waiting for the rest of the voicemail. “Is anyone there?” She finally started talking.

“I swear to God Archer, the second I find you I’m going to kill you.” She practically screamed through the phone.

“What is your name miss?” The man on the other end of the line questioned. Lana laughed.

“Your voicemails keep getting more and more elaborate, I’ll give you that.” The man on the other end of the line replied

“This isn’t a voicemail ma’am. I am Sergeant Stelton of the 32nd precinct. Please state your name and relationship with the owner of this phone.” Lana started. This isn’t a voicemail, but why the hell does a cop have Archer’s phone? He must have gotten himself arrested; the idiot. 

“My name is Lana Kane. I work with Archer, and we have a child together. What did the dumbass do now that he went and got himself arrested?”

“I am truly sorry to tell you this, but Sterling Archer was found dead in his apartment with eight empty bottles of Glengoolie surrounded him, and a gun in his mouth.” Lana dropped the phone on the counter, shattering the glass. She quickly snatched up the phone again, and put the receiver to her ear.

“This is a joke right? Archer can’t be dead, he wouldn’t do that. That’s not him! It can’t be him!” She cried. Sterling Archer is many things but suicidal is not one of them. 

“Miss, a body was found in Sterling Archer’s apartment with matching dental records as Mr. Archer. We also recovered a photo I.D. belonging to one Sterling Archer. There is no evidence that points to someone else being here at the time of death.” He stated tiredly. Lana fell to her knees, and screamed, not caring who she bothered.

The rest of the office came into her office as quick as their stubby legs, or bionic in Ray’s case, could carry them. “What the hell is wrong with you Lana!” Mallory shrill scream cut through Lana’s grief. She tried to get a handle on herself, but couldn’t. She pointed to the phone instead, and Ray being closest, quickly scooped up the phone, and put it on speaker.

“Hello? Whoever this is, you just made my best friend sob her eyes out, so you’d best apologise!”

“I am not going to apologise for doing my job. I merely informed her that a Mr. Archer was found dead in his apartment with a pistol in his mouth.” The entire office fell silent. This lasted about three seconds before Malory and Pam both started sobbing. Krieger fell silent, while silently Ray and Cyril were gloating. Cheryl outright laughed.

“There was a note found by him if you want me to read it, or would you rather come down to the 32nd and read it yourselves.” Cyril quickly jumped in, wondering what would make Archer kill himself.

“Could you read it?” He inwardly smirked.

“To whom it may concern, there is nothing left for me. Nobody will miss me. My daughter has replaced me, through no fault of her own. My mother will move on within a week, and my coworkers have all hated me. I am a product of my upbringing, and I did the best I could with what I had. When there is nothing left to work with, you do whatever you can to make the pain stop. As for my will, everything is left to Abbiejean Kane-Archer. I Sterling Archer of sound mind and body agree to this change of my will. Please have my body be cremated, and spread over Die Toten Spitz. Whatever you can use for others, do. I’d recommend staying away from the liver and heart though. Sterling Archer.”

The entire building fell silent for the reading, but as soon as it was over, the office was filled with sobs and cries of sadness. Mallory and Pam had already started chugging the bourbon that Pam always kept on her. Lana was still on her knees, her body wracked with silent sobs. Cheryl had realized that it wasn’t a time for laughing, and quickly fell silent. Cyril and Ray stayed quiet, making eye contact and realizing that he was finally gone from their lives. Sterling Archer was no more.


End file.
